My whole life had been building up to one point and now it's gone. Graduation. Not to seem like any other average teenager, but when I was little, my parents asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I would tell them about how I wanted to go to college. That has been my goal since the age of four. I can't tell you how many times, growing up all I dreamed about was walking the stage of my high school graduation. I was the first person in my family to have done that. I applied for college, maybe a month and a half before graduation and was accepted to the University of West Florida. I have so much to look forward to, but all I have been doing is stressing out over the most insignificant things like; what do my friends think of the person I have become, will I be able to handle being seven hours away from my best friends, will my parents be able to handle being away from me, what does Andy think of the person I have become, and etc. I'm not going to lie, during high school I did a complete 180. I use to not care what other people thought. I use to be very introverted, hiding any emotion other than happiness. I use to be severely depressed. I use to feel good about my appearance. I went from failing every class to getting mostly A's. Now I tell people how I feel about situation and themselves very bluntly. I'm not so much depressed anymore, but bitter. I feel horrible about the way I look. It's no joke; I was hit with the ugly stick. I have two jobs now to support myself, and so I don't have to think of all the stress that's been piling up. I wanted to live a care free summer and go off to college and now I am working forty to sixty hours a week. It brings up the question "Am I happy with who I have become?" The honest answer is, no. I hate being bitter all the time, and it reminds me of my mother. I hate my body. I hate actually caring about what people think. I hate the fake friendships. I hate how I can't stand one of my best friends half of the time. Is it sad that I can't wait till I don't run into half of the people I went to school with on a regular basis? I don't want to see them and have five minute conversations about absolutely nothing because we weren't really friends. I find that so fake. I can't stand having to act fake and put on a smile when I see them while I am at work. At least when I go to college it's somewhat of a new start. I can't wait till this moment of transition is over. Although if possible I would have completely redone my high school experience. I would have aced the classes the first time taking them. I would have done more volunteer work. I would have saved more money instead of going to all the concerts and going out. It was really a waste for saying all of that about redoing all of my high school years, because I can't go back and redo it. It happened. The only thing I regret is that I didn't try my hardest. I wasn't as strong as I could have been, but all of that has made me who I am today. I mean, don't get me wrong , there's a lot that I don't like about myself, but at least now I am stronger and I pulled myself together in time. I think people think that I have this all figured out, I mean I sure have myself composed most of the time. It will all come together eventually.

meh. sleep...
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